Monday, 27 January 2014

A Fashion Post

Not your normal fashion post I have to admit, if you clicked over here expecting some photos of very well put together outfits and links to fashion houses and chic boutiques I'd recommend you click away now!

I have mentioned before that I do not have one fashionable bone in my body, I just don't get it! I can't do it! I may see something in a shop window or catalogue and buy it, I have to buy the whole outfit as I can't seem to put things together very well. The phrase "capsule wardrobe" is completely lost on me. How do you mix and match very few items to create many different looks?

If I buy an outfit I wear it, often without looking in a mirror; I am the mum who gets out of the car outside school and then realises that I've come out in very mismatched items, always ill fitting (either too small or too big but never just right!). The outfit is pretty much always teamed with socks (I love socks) or flip flops in Summer, and comfy shoes, occasionally slippers! I have a penchant for leggings (I know I know) matched with ankle boots, given that I'm a little top heavy I probably look a little like Max Wall!
I have slightly different hair!
I was prompted to write this, it's not a cry for help, I'm past caring, when I stepped out of the car at school last week and realised that the sweater I had on was badly faded (and not evenly faded) and the trousers were too short. Sadly I teamed them with suede espadrilles which didn't match at all, luckily I had left off the socks that day - I arrived at school, where the playground has plenty of glamorous mums, and realised how dreadful I looked - this may be bad enough but I'd been at work all day in that outfit!!

I am also an ebay addict too, most of my clothes come from there, I love a bargain although it's debateable how much of a bargain it is when it doesn't fit or doesn't suit you (I wear it anyway!) Just last week I was browsing the bikinis online (new I should add not second hand- eugh!) and came across an expensive range being sold at knock down prices, I find it hard to buy swimsuits as my top and bottom are completely different sizes. Anyway this particular range is available separately and comes in bra sizes - perfect for me. I sought advice from the Little Miss Fashionista (who isn't much better than me it has to be said). She looked at the picture, she looked at me then back at the picture, then gravely shook her head, she then went on, obviously trying to make me feel better "it would look lovely on Dee though!" Dee is a young, glamorous mum from the playground!

My best friend has sneaked into my bedroom before now and thrown clothes away, my much maligned rugby shirt no less - I know it was spattered with paint but had lots more wear in it I'm sure. She has also taken me shopping and asked the assistant to not let me out of the changing room until I was wearing a new outfit. She proceeded to throw things into the cubicle until she was satisfied I looked ok! She did once insist I went for a bra fitting, much to my embarrassment! In the cubicle I went and, as I stood naked apart from my knickers, waiting for the assistant to return, all the fire alarms went off and the tannoy announced that we had to evacuate the building!
 My friend is still convinced I pressed the alarm!

On our last holiday, the unforgettable trip to Cuba, I had dieted for some weeks and lost around 10lb, just enough  - not my pre baby weight but looking good I thought! Because of this I treated myself to a new bikini from a shop specialising in designs for the slightly top-heavy lady. The navy two piece was gorgeous and had jewels stitched on, I wasn't sure if I was a blingy type of person but, given the weight loss I thought it looked great. I wore it all the time, and on the day we went pony trekking I had it on under my T-shirt. Sadly what no one told me until I saw the photos was that all you could see through the T-shirt were the jewels! I looked like I either had far too many nipples or maybe leprosy! I doubt I'll wear it again.......

So please bare with me if I post very few pictures of myself, but I think you'll recognise me should we ever bump into each other in the street! I guess you'll probably cross over to the other side if you see me but hey ho you won't be the first!

As a footnote (ha ha) I do have one very understated but chic and glamorous item in my wardrobe, well two actually. I think you'll agree that this ebay find is just right, perfectly ok to wear with anything, dress them up or down, you can never go wrong with sparkly shoes can you??

34 comments:

  1. You are so correct Jay....you can never go wrong with sparkly shoes!
    Just the post I needed...you are hilarious!
    Enjoy your day...

    Cheers!
    Linda :o)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Linda, glad you enjoy my random rambling!

      Delete
  2. I'm laughing with you, not at you! You are very, very funny!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe people are laughing at me, I hadn't thought.......

      Delete
  3. Well I am glad I am not the only hopeless person out there. I recently went to the shops with my dress inside out.... I avoid looking in the mirror as it can be a frightening experience. I usually wear my walking boots in winter and trainers for the rest of the year although I have a pair of Doc Martens high heels for dressing up (I can cycle with them, which is essential) and a of course the sparkly high heels when black clunky ones won't do. I so loved this post, I laughed out loud. I hope you weren't made to leave the shop in your knickers when the fire alarm went off during the bra fitting! Thanks for cheering up a dreich day. Cx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Christina I keep thinking we must be twins,! ;-)

      Delete
  4. Oh dear what a time for the fire alarms to go off! I haven't worn a bikini for years, i think I would look too much of a sight! Sarah x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Doubt I'll be wearing one again Sarah!

      Delete
  5. My goodness, those shoes are amazing. I'd never walk in them but I'd love looking at them! They're like Dorothy's shoes but silver! x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sparkly red shoes would be my very favorite thing in the world, and no I can't walk in them!

      Delete
  6. You do make me chuckle! Have a vision of you standing in your knickers in the changing room waiting forlornly for the assistant to return.

    By the way, it was only when you commented on my Holt post that I realised why we had gone. It was reading your Christmas post and you had mentioned it. I knew I wanted to go but didn't know why. Haha!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm not a shoe person but they are one pair I could fall in love with.
    Lisa x

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh dear - that's the worst time for the fire alarm to go off - even worse than if your hair is wet and half cut! I admire people who can wear those heels I've never been able to. Thanks for this lovely cheerful post, I've enjoyed reading and you've made me smile:)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Haha you're just like me in the sense that I am rubbish at putting outfits together. I usually play it safe by wearing jeans with a pretty top and one of 2 pairs of boots that I own (well, one pair recently broke so I just have one option for shoes now) however the school run is usually in a tracksuit and trainers as I generally get out of bed 10 minutes before I leave, and the entire 10 minutes is spent getting my daughter dressed. Those shoes are amazing !!
    http://myfroley.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  10. Loved your post and I'm so sympathetic, I have terrible taste in clothes and I'm so nonobservant. I once went to school (as an adult with 2 different shoes on -- they weren't even a close match.
    A few months ago I broke down and bought a dress because I didn't own one, got it in the mail, shortened it and put it on. Not only is the color hideous on me, the dress makes me look 20 pounds heavier.

    ReplyDelete
  11. My dear old Gran had a saying that I live by Jay...
    If it suits the wearer bug**r the starer!
    Fashion passes me by too ;o)
    Rose H
    xx
    P.S.
    Love the shoes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Rose I'm going to remember that one!

      Delete
  12. Loved this post...and the shoes ! Changing rooms & fire alarms sound risky !

    ReplyDelete
  13. How awful about that bra fitting debacle!
    I find the older I get, the less I care. Is that bad?
    Those are some cool shoes, though. I cannot wear heels without clomping around looking like I'm on stilts. Graceless.

    ReplyDelete
  14. This made me laugh - a rugby shirt and those shoes and a blingy bikini with a see through t shirt! Think I love you x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I try very hard, but rarely (never)get an outfit right!

      Delete
  15. Oh bless you, Jay, I do know that feeling. I'd say I have a pretty good idea of putting clothes together but just not on me ..I am not a good shape! And anyway, I don't do 'fashion' but I do like clothes - does that make sense? And I LOVE leggings! PLEASE don't let them go right right right out of fashion - and off the shelves I will be totally lost (Mind you I have so many pairs in reserve, you know where to come to if the last pair in the shops is finally sold!) And to make you feel better, I think we have all done the accidental- nipple revealing tangy at one time or another. if you've got 'em, flaunt 'em, I always say!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Oh and thank you for that edifying image of Max Wall, you have made real my secret leggings fear. Oh dear. Never mind, I don't have to look at me. And I, too, have different hair! Lx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Different hair is the crucial part Lynne!

      Delete
  17. You are hilarious! i am a huge fan of buying the whole outfit - that's what I did with my monochromatic Banana Repulic outfit where i also bought the shoes. as i could not accessorise to save my soul. I have given away all my belts as never knew how to wear them. Same with necklaces so just wear the same two and keep it simple. Ssssparkly shoes always work and keep the eye roving even when taking out the garbage, I feel

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sparkly shoes are vital for diverting the eye away from the rest of the outfit! My children told me today I look like my mother, tears have been shed!

      Delete
  18. Fabulous shoes. I gave up on fashion many years ago. I'm a jeans and jumper girl these days, and even then I end up doing it wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  19. That fire alarm story is hysterical! I'm so glad you have a friend who cares enough about you to throw away your clothes. But remember when you are badly dressed, you make someone who is just poorly dressed feel that much better about herself. Love the shoes!

    ReplyDelete
  20. I had to laugh at this post because at one time I felt the same as you and to cap it all.... the other mothers didn't look old enough to have left school themselves. I was 26 when I had my last, so at the school gates I felt old and I was only 30!!
    I am sure to those who love you are happy with how you dress and look, and love that look that you have!!
    Chris x

    ReplyDelete
  21. You crack me up girl! You mean everyone doesn't have like 8 nipples? I absolutely LOVE those high heels though!!!
    Gorgeous!! Rawr!
    I Hope you have a great week,
    Much love,
    Tammy

    ReplyDelete
  22. Oh, how this post made me chuckle - I'm sure you don't look nearly as bad as you make out, though! And those sparkly shoes are fabulous!

    ReplyDelete
  23. You made me chuckle here! The shoes are fab, they will definitely add some sparkle to any outfit. I tend to stick to an everyday uniform of jeans and a top, boots in winter, pumps or converse in summer. It's very boring I know. I'm not much good at fashion either. x

    ReplyDelete
  24. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed reading your blog posts.cricket shoes Any way I'll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you post again soon.A fantastic presentation. Very open and informative.You have beautifully presented your thought in this blog post.

    ReplyDelete